mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - My family is exhausting. Not my baby/baby-daddy family, but my family of origin-- mom, dad, sister, grandmother. I love them and simultaneously cannot stand to be around them. I do not want to be like them. I do not want my son to grow up to be like them. I feel like I just need to cut them out for awhile because it actually hurts to be near them sometimes. My mother has my sister on a pedestal while I have become little more than a baby-maker. She loves my son provided he looks like he just toddled out of a magazine and never cares enough to ask me how I am doing and what is going on in my life. My sister treats my partner like shit although he supports her and her boyfriend and has never asked a penny from them. She doesn't care if it puts me in a shitty place. My grandmother is psychotic and mean and irrational. My dad is a conspiracy theorist who always has and always will value his conquests over our relationship. I want the gaps between us all to either close or widen to a point that allows me to be removed from the constant emotional stress of just communicating with them. My kids will always know I am there for them before anything else in my life. They will not feel belittled or abused or like I love one of them more than I love the others. My parents let me be beaten-- literally beaten-- for eight years of my life from six to fourteen. They let Dave punch me and kick me and slap me and throw me down the stairs and spit on my face. My father was too busy chasing a piece of ass and my mother was too busy being locked in her imaginary dream world where a prince was going to save her from her shitty decisions. How could any parent do that? 9:16 p.m. - 2012-08-09 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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