mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- nothin's gonna change my world Curses on my landlords for neglecting to repair my A/C and heating unit when it malfunctioned earlier this year. Curses! I've resorted to leaving my oven on all day and night, just so I don't have to spend every moment of every evening soaking in a steamy bath to stay warm. Last night, I was lying in bed, trying to jam my freezing hands and feet UNDERNEATH my body, and I noticed that my nail beds were BLUE. BLUE! Sigh. Lately, I've been tremendously jealous of writers, or of anybody, really, with the ability to write well at all. Doug Martsch*, for example. I've been listening to "Carry the Zero" over and over again for days now, and I'm insane with envy. Zach and I saw "The Two Towers" earlier this evening, and at the very end, I swore at Tolkien for being so talented. Damn him. If I had one wish, I think, I'd be completely selfish and I'd use it to make myself a better writer. Wait, wait, strike that. I wouldn't. It wouldn't be genuine talent, that way, and I'd rather be inadequate than fake. Or something. If I ever master the art of writing, I want it to be fair and square. No cheating. I've also been experiencing, uh, (please, don't laugh, and don't tease) babylust. I see moms pushing infants in strollers, or carrying them in little slings on their chests, and I get tiny, wistful pangs in my gut. I want that. I want a small, soft, person to talk to and hold and teach. I want a little boy or girl to read to at night. ...And then I remember that I don't even make $20k per year, I don't have health insurance, and I can't house break my dog. I think I'll wait a few years before I begin populating the world with miniature Angela-clones. *Thanks, Andrew. 4:43 a.m. - 2002-12-19 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||