mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Getting on Better with your Associate Employee Contemporaries I wrote this to Matt (see also:yesterday's entry) this evening, after Crystal arrived at my apartment feeling like something the cat dragged in: Matt, So, tonight, Crystal came over to my house, full of anger and sadness. Do you want to know why? Nah, I figured you'd know already. I won't be coming over for dinner. I won't be coming over for anything. I'm not angry- I got over that a long time ago. I'm not sad, either, or even disappointed. I suppose that I've always known exactly who and what you are, and thusly there is no room for disappointment. From what I heard tonight, you haven't changed a bit. You saw her, Crystal, and you made a beeline in the other direction. Come on, Matt, you're going to be twenty one soon. You're a father. It's time to grow up. Do you want your daughter to grow up with the same emotional baggage that you have, or, for that matter, the baggage you've imposed on other people? Imagine this: You form a friendship with somebody, a friendship that (you think) is deep and true and all-encompassing. You care about that person. You try your best to nurture them. One day, they suddenly drop out of your existence. No hard feelings, you think, until you hear the things they've been saying about you when you aren't around. No hard feelings until the day you see them in a crowded room and they hurry off in the other direction without acknowledgement. Imagine how that would feel. Imagine the pain and the betrayal. Imagine the disappointment and confusion. That's what you did to her. That's who you are. Think about that. Maybe someday, when you're ready to apologize to the wonderful, amazing girl that you've managed to scar to the bone, when you can finally put the feelings of somebody else before your own, we can be friends again. Until then, I'll miss the good things about you, but I won't be in your life. I'm too busy trying to figure myself out now- I don't need to deal with your unconscious urge to hurt people in addition to all of my own problems. -Good luck, kid. Angela And it's funny, because I was so ready to jump headfirst into that destructive friendship. I was ready to risk everything I've managed to rebuild over the past year for the chance of being so close with him again. I'm glad this wake-up call came, before both Crystal and I both found ourselves hurting just as much as before. 2:07 a.m. - 2003-03-29 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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